Unfortunately,
it is easier for people to classify this behavior as “hateful” or “violent”
rather than take the time and patience to understand how autism actually affects
the child and everyone around them. This complacency makes it even more
difficult for a child with autism who is already struggling to be included by his
or her peers. An
example from our own experience would be, when he was younger, a few of
Nathan’s teachers gave up on him, saying he was “uncontrollable”
or that “he just needed to be spanked more”. This was their solution to
something that they didn’t understand. If they had taken the time to work with our
son, instead of writing him off, it would have
made the difference to a child who was doing his best. These particular
individuals were only interested in collecting their paycheck instead of doing
what they could to figure out how to help a child that wasn’t like the rest. Each
of them, as educators, had the opportunity to show compassion to a child and actually invest in his future.
My child has learned to put some distance
between him and what is bothering him. Our neighbor’s child tends to ask “why”
repeatedly and it annoys my child beyond words. My child tries so hard to not let
it bother him but, in the end, he just can’t handle it. I have told my children that they should always ask the other child to “stop” and, if that doesn't work, then walk away. If my child
is at home when he is being bothered, he has been given permission to ask the other child to go home. Having a social disorder impairs his communication and it
makes it difficult for him to express exactly what he wants to say.
Almost two months ago, our two boys were out
in the front yard waiting for us to take them grocery shopping when several of their friends saw them outside and came down to our house. My husband and I were not outside at the time but, my child
told me later that he said that they couldn’t play because we were getting ready to
leave and that they would come get them, if they could play, when they got home. We had been at the store for almost half an
hour when his mother called my mobile phone all upset about my child telling
her child that he could not play with them. I politely tried to explain that I couldn’t
talk to her right then but, I would be glad to do so when I returned home but,
she proceeded to ridicule my child and wouldn’t stop. I hurriedly told her I
was sorry but, I had to go.
After we got back home and we had the
opportunity to find out what had happened from our son, I decided to text her
due to how the earlier conversation with her had gone. She had been so upset and had not
let me finish one sentence. My child had only been honest and told her child
that he and his brother couldn’t play. She texted me back and when I didn’t end
up agreeing with her, she called me again. It was when she threatened to call
the police and press “assault” charges against our nine year old son, who had
autism, for a disagreement that happened, between the boys, almost six months ago. My husband and I were shocked that she had
talked so ugly about our child! There was no reasoning with her and
we decided that we would have to give her family plenty of space to avoid
future conflict. Her son had actually been playing in our front yard with our
boys and three other children when
this all occurred. My husband calmly stepped outside and told her child that
his mother needed him to go home. The boy asked my husband “why” and he
repeated what he had told him and then the child went home.
It is really sad that an adult has caused so
much trouble between neighborhood friends. My own boys have been told “I can’t
play right now” and “our family is getting ready to go somewhere but, we can
play when we get back home” or even “I am grounded and can’t play” by their friends.
They always find something else to do. I have never called another child’s
parent to ask why my child couldn’t play with their child, dragged my husband
to their house or accused their child of assault and threatened to call the
police on their child! Now, her child walks on the street, to avoid our front
yard, on his way to see if the other neighborhood kids can play. This saddens me. I continue to
pray for everyone that our special needs child
comes in contact with. Awareness isn't always enough...we need to "understand" and "accept" Autism!
*Thank you to Autism Creations for these beautiful photos!
*Thank you to Autism Creations for these beautiful photos!
I am so sorry that happened.I had something like that happen too many times.This woman said there was no room in her car for my daughter who has Autism.We all got out of the car and walked home.It honestly looks to me like your boys are so well behaved and wonderful all due to you and your husbands good work.
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